Surfin' the narly cyberwaves

There are some interesting things out there. Over at Agent 007 has the ultimate truth between authors and agents. It's an excellent post because it succinctly gets to the heart of how to write wonderful prose.

Over at Sex, Sizzle and Snark Janie R has been nominated for FAR blog of the month, so you can go over and congratulate her. She also seems addicted to quizzes...

And speaking of which, here is where you'll find all manner of quiz. Yeah, I did some, and I can't resist posting this:

You Are 62% Evil

You are very evil. And you're too evil to care. Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

How Evil Are You?

Sometimes, I just can't help myself...

The Lost Fort has a link to the readability of your work.

The Seventh Sanctum, for all your story generator needs, has announced it's into the top 101 Writer's Resources as announced by Writer's Digest. Congrats to them.

For something entirely different, The Smart Bitches have announced the winners of "First Annual Smart Bitches Trashy Books Bitchery Writing Award for Hellagood Authors!" Go over and have a look, see if you agree with them or not.

Following on from there, Evil Auntie Peril has a weblog, go to Animals Stuck to the Wall and make Auntie feel welcome in this new world of blogging.

JA Konrath explains the good and the bad of being published.

And if that's not enough for you to be going on with, Tess Gerritsen is back from her sojourn to Libya and is posting again.

Who put the Crass in 'Democracy'?

At this particular juncture in time, there are three different ideas on the interpretation of the word. The first: democracy is only democracy if you vote for the government we want you to have. The second: democracy only works if I'm in charge. The third: democracy is about betrayal by your favourite MPs.

Can you guess which countries I'm talking about? Yes. No. Maybe?

Number one is Palestine. The EU and American governments cannot accept that the Palestinian people voted for Hamas, a group that has been indicted on terrorism, and yet has had the fortitude to support its people with money, food, law, order, water, electricity... everything that a people need to survive regardless of Israeli oppression. The Fatah government was a corrupt, milquetoast, spineless authority legitimised by outsiders willing to bribe them for their own ends; yet that was the prefered government. The European Union and U.S. governments have seen fit to stop all aid to the Palestinians until the people vote in a government that is acceptable: without giving Hamas the opportunity to govern; all because of past grievances. Excuse me, but that's not democracy, that's tyranny. It's manipulation of the wrong kind and if anyone thinks that by applying this sort of pressure will convince the Palestinians to vote someone else in (approved by the EU and US, no doubt), they are blind, ignorant, and do not understand Middle-Eastern politics in the slightest.

Number two is Italy. Former Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi is still refusing to admit defeat even though the Italian Supreme Court has confirmed Romano Prodi's win. Berlusconi is accusing the opposition of vote rigging, flawed counting procedures and problems with the overseas vote. (I have to say I was surprised to learn that an Australian has been voted in to the Italian Parliament.) Mr Berlusconi is considering further legal action. Which is a joke considering this is a man who was able to pass laws to stop any legal action being taken against himself for corrupt business and government dealings. Does anyone understand Italian politics?

Number three is the Solomon Islands. Today, the Prime Minister-elect, Snyder Rini, was sworn into office in a secret ceremony. Secret because the locals were rioting over their Members of Parliament choice of Rini. A number of Australian Police were injured during the rioting and we've sent, along with New Zealand, more troops and police to restore order. International observers declared the elections 'free and fair', but Rini has been accused of being corrupt and taking bribes. The main accusation, that he's been taking money from Chinese interests, resulted in Chinese businesses being targetted by the rioters. Allegedly, it is Taiwanese money and was not given to Rini, but to business concerns.

Three different attitudes towards democracy, all of them destablising, and all of them unnecessary. No foreign country or organisation has the right to dictate what type of government a nation has. No one person has the right to stop the workings of a government because his ego's been bruised. No minority has the right to take out their frustrations on an ethnic group or peace keepers in a violent manner because of an unproven 'allegation'.

In a dictatorship, none of this would happen. To put them into a school setting rather than a geopolitical one, the big boys (the EU and US) don't want to play with the poor, feisty little one (Palestine) because he slapped their friend (Israel) next door for beating him up and stealing from him; Berlusconi lost the game of marbles and is accusing the winner of cheating; and some Islanders are pissed because Rini got more from the tuckshop than they thought fair, regardless of where the proceeds might go and who it might help.

This is what happens when you have democracies running around the playground, making friends or enemies, getting into fights, bullying...

Maybe the boys should step aside and let the girls take over. No fights, just a lot of bitching and preening.

Blogname generator

Shamelessly nicked from Paperback Writer is the Blog Name Generator for those who want to find an alternative name for their blog.

Here's what it came up with for mine:

Jaye Patrick Pit: For when I want to bite someone.

Jaye Patrick Existence: Umm... yes, well, so many words, so much flaming. Have I mentioned I sometimes let my arrogance out of it's cage? It's hard to keep it locked up.

Jaye Patrick Galaxy: See above comment.

Jaye Patrick Conscience: My... what?

Jaye Patrick Coma: Only when Mr Daniels, Mr Jack Daniels, comes to visit.

Jaye Patrick Rhapsody: Tunes and buckets... la, la, laah!

And the random name generator.

Abstract Forgery: Philosophical arguments that are fake? No author wants to be exposed in this way.
Polluted Venus: Ladies of the night who should see their doctors? Or simply that I can be a total beyotch; shattering the stereotypical myth of what a woman is supposed to be?
Strange Kaleidoscope: Only after too much Jack. And the writing would be... weird.
Counterfeit Skeleton: Is that like, um, the boneless chicken ranch?
Mystic Boulevard: Must be something to do with Dali, or Escher, I think. Maybe to do with fantasy writing?
Write Piehole: Wrong Bakery.

Well, they're a little odd, and I don't think I'll be changing the name any time soon - not unless I have a brain explosion.

However, it's a reminder that the Story-a-day marathon is coming up in May over at the Forward Motion site and I have to check out the Seventh Sanctum for some story generators.

I do this every year; not for the pips, though they help, but for the stockpile of short stories I create. And from those stories come novels or, if it's good enough, I'll edit further and submit.

But... But...

Authors cheerfully break and ignore rules all the time; mostly for impact than a deliberate sneer at grammar.

'And' and 'but' are two examples that can be confused as to whether either are appropriate as a beginning. The rules dictate never to start a sentence with either, however, both can be acceptable, depending on the circumstances.

People are always talking over one another. They are stuttering, pausing, shouting discussing, lecturing, and a whole host of other things. Sentences, when spoken, are incomplete, poorly constructed, have wrong words, can be barely understood, and easily misunderstood. People aren't wrong or poorly educated, merely expressing themselves.

When you're on a bus or standing in a line, listen to the conversations around you. They're not only a great source for inspiration, but also for understanding how people communicate. It's more through body language, facial expressions, voice intonation, than perfect language skills. Actors are an exception as they read from a script.

You might note the commercials that have: "But wait! There's more!" A useful device to attract our attention. When overused, it's simply irritating.

As you have recognised, 'and' and 'but' are conjunctions. That is, they are words that join two sentences. For emphasis, though, they can be dramatic. And attractive. And give an indication in a sudden thought. And finish up a story: "And so I went to my grave in peace". And... so on, and so on.

'But' can be used with equal effect. When a character is shocked: "But... but... I did put the jewels in the safe!" When a character is filled with sly knowing: "But you knew that. Didn't you."

To me, the English language is the other side of the coin from Mathematics. Maths is filled with unbreakable rules: 1 + 1 = 2; English is changeable and fluid: What equals 2? 10 - 8, 40 / 20, the square root of 4; there are many answers.

As a writer, knowing when to use and or but at the beginning of a sentence is tricky. Keep in mind whether the sentence and paragraph would benefit from the abrupt use, and whether the two sentences should be connected. Be the actor reading a script and emote the lines; listen to see if it works; if it doesn't, use the conjunction.

You can play with the rules of English. But be careful. And make sure you're doing it for the right reasons.

Okay, I'm an idiot

And I apologise whole-heartedly to all those who tried to post comments on my weblog and never had a reply.

Thanks, too, to Gabriele of The Lost Fort for pointing out the problem when I didn't realise I had one: uh... I, um, didn't look at the 'moderate comments' bit, so the comments were never posted. There I was, thinking no-one was reading my blog - oh, the mortification, the shame! It will take me while to get over this piece of ass-backwardness. Definitely an 'oh, jeez' moment. Heh, heh...

I am so sorry everyone. To think, I have a Certificate III in Information Technology... what a putz!

Now, I'm going back to reply to most of them.

Grr....

FYI Netscape peeps: find a way to transfer bookmarks, damn it!

I went to a site and received the message that my Netscape 7.0 browser wasn't going to cut it and to download 8.1, which I duly did, much to my grief.

I have a lot of bookmarks, from weblogs to a variety of encyclopedia and writing/research sites. They did not accompany 8.1. Now I have to go to the sites and bookmark them again. What a pain in the butt!

Lucky for me I kept the old browser open and copied the sites onto a Word document. It's still a pain to sort through them and enter the sites. NOT HAPPY, Netscape.

It's fortunate I loathe and despise Explorer or I'd change. Maybe Firefox or Mozilla is better...

The End

Those two innocuous words that, when put together, mean you are done with your novel. Whether it's the first draft or final there is a sense of satisfaction.

If it is a first draft of a first book, there's happy dancing, celebratory toasts, smugness and accomplisment; the 'wow, I finally did it'. For others, the sense of accomplishment and, perhaps, the toast is still there. I'd like to think that it's all there, even the dancing.

We've all ached, despaired or simply gritted our teeth to find the perfect opening to a novel, but what about the last sentence or paragraph? It's just as important as the first.

Is there satisfaction that everything has been solved or holds the perfect cliffhanger? Does it express finality? Or is it wishy-washy and vague? Has the promise given at the beginning be fulfilled at the end?

Endings, for me, are just as tough as beginnings; more so, because I can come up with a crackerjack opening sentence, but the last seems... inadequate.

Consider: from Holly Lisle's Sympathy for the Devil. "Heaven is for you," God said gently, "and for them," as he pointed to the Earth spinning lazily below. "For me, there can be no Heaven until the last of my children is safely home." It doesn't tell you what the story was about, but it does give an honest and thought-provoking finality.

On Basilisk Station by David Weber: "Well, Commodore Yerensky, I don't see how I could possibly turn your request down. It happens that I do have very strong feelings about the new armament -" her smile grew even broader "-and I'd be delighted to share them with Admiral Hemphill and her colleagues." Again, it gives nothing away but gives the reader absolute satisfaction given what has come before.

And Laurell K. Hamilton's A Kiss of Shadows: They say, be careful what you wish for. Well, be even more cautious with your prayers. Make sure, very sure, it's what you want. You never know whan a deity may give you exactly what you ask for. A warning of things to come? Or simply relief from what has happened?

All three endings are brilliant, well thought out, and perfect. There are many other examples I could give.

I won't give examples of my own work because they pale in comparison. They're okay, but need work if they're to be published and I don't want to give anything away.

My point, however, is that endings - in the hands of the masters - look easy, but probably aren't. Everything written before culminates in this one, final, moment and must live up to expectations. No matter what genre you write in, you must pay as much attention to the end as to the beginning. Everyone has read a book that ended with a curl of the lip or with thoughts for days, weeks, years.

In my keeper shelf, I have many books that I haven't been able to read again, yet, because I can pick them up and remember how the book started, what happened, and how it ended. Each one is a wonderful example to me - which is why I haven't thrown them out. They are there to teach me about writing; all of it: plotting, characterisation, beginnings, middles, endings, problem solving, everything I need to know is contained within those covers.

I think it wonderful that successful writers pen books on 'how to...', but I remain convinced that the way to learn is read the better books, and to try and emulate those books in my own style. Whether my dream of writing comes true or not, is up to me and how well I listen to my teachers and craft my own books. I have the beginnings and the middles; now the challenge is to write brilliant endings.

It could be the difference between a satisfied sigh with a vacant expression, and an angry huff followed by the book making an indentation in the far wall.

Autumn

I love this time of year. I'm actually more productive; as if the cooling weather stirs my creativeness. Better yet, I'll have that creativity until the weather warms up again in late spring.

There is something magical as the leaves turn, the jazz band plays outside at a local cafe, tourists sit in the park, sipping capaccino, feeding the birds, the sky is a crystalline blue, the air fresh, nipping with the scent of freshly mown grass.

Today, the surf added an extra extravagance. Big, booming surf. It was an astonishing sight to see towering waves crashing between Bowen Island and the headland, some ten kilometres across the bay. I could actually see the waves forming barrels before exploding in white. It's something so rarely seen, all I could do was be amazed.

Coming through the heads, between Point Perpendicular and Bowen was a Tall Ship, the training ship, Young Endeavour. All sails bar one were furled, and soon the jib was pulled down and the ship turned towards the Naval College. The ship wallowed in the swell, the hull disappearing then coming up the waves, the masts swinging left and right.

I felt sorry for the trainees on board. If anything was going to engender sea-sickness, that was it. It was a truly magnificent sight. I could have stood and watched for hours; Mother Nature at her majestic best, demonstrating how wild the sea can be while the shore is peaceful and calm.

What a day. It makes me so thankful I live here.

Lesson learned

Gah! Okay, I sent off the flash fiction Soul Food to Shadowed Realms as per their guidelines. I put in a cover letter with my submission and was lucky enough to get a receipt reply from the editor. Woot!!

I did everything they asked, name, e-mail address, writing credits - or lack thereof - and that's where I got nipped.

FYI people: don't put anything negative in!

We're lucky enough in this country that some editors will take the time to make personal replies. The negative I put in was that I had submitted poetry that was "rightfully rejected" by a newspaper. In retrospect, perhaps I shouldn't have. After all, that 'poetry' was written by me more than twenty years ago and was full of emotional angst, piss and vinegar, and - for me - experimental expression. (My parents loved it, since it was about them.) No one else would find it so.

At the time, I was confused about what I could write. I knew writing was why I was here, but not what. Novels were beyond me, short stories weren't - short, that is - and I simply couldn't finish them. Poetry seemed like a goer.

At the time, I was jobless, moneyless and almost friendless. Loneliness was my constant companion in a city where I knew virtually no-one and I was one step away from the street. Poetry seemed my only outlet; bad though it was, it still filled a need and kept me hopeful of better things to come.

It came down to a fundamental belief that if my writing gave me a sense of contentment, it didn't matter if no-one else liked it, or approved, it was for me; and I revelled in it.

So here I am, twenty years later, changed in more ways that I can say, still writing, though now it's novels - how I managed to finish a book, I'll write about later - producing short stories that I can 'down-size' to flash fiction, and have the confidence to submit them; although that's scarily new to me.

Whether Shadowed Realms accept or reject my story, Angela Challis has done me an enormous favour in sending me a personal note.

To quote some of the e-mail: Thanks for clearly taking the time to follow the Shadowed Realms guidelines. You can understand why this is important, if not, why the hell are you thinking?

Please don't talk yourself down in your cover letter; see above.

There is no shame in having no writing credits. In fact, it is an editor's dream to be the first one to 'discover' a clearly gifted author. I have a number of authors published for the first time in Shadowed Realms, and I am very proud to say so as I believe (not surprisingly) that their stories are damn fantastic. Whether other editors have the same belief, I don't know, but this gave me a warm fuzzy.

As I said, whether they publish my story or not, this kind of courtesy will keep me writing and submitting.

Anyone else had 'good' feedback and advice?

Submission scaries

I've just sent off a story to Shadowed Realms, an Australian flash fiction e-zine.

It's not the first time I've sent something off... it's the second, and it's scary. The churning of the gut, the re-checking of a story I know is okay, the re-reading of the e-mail, adding something here, deleting something there, even hitting the spell checker when I know ever word is spelt correctly.

Jeez. Then there's the moist palms, the rapid eye blink, constant rolling of shoulders and manic thoughts that shut out the NO! DON'T DO IT! IT'S AWFUL! YOU'LL BE REJECTED AGAIN! THEY'LL LAUGH AT YOU! All those negative thoughts that swim around like sharks, waiting for you to show a weak moment.

Well, HAH! It's done now, gone off into cyber-space to live or die on the word of an editor. I may get a good rejection - "not suitable for our mag" - or a bad one - "thanks but, nope" - or the worst - "you wrote this crap?" I'm kidding about the last... I think.

Whenever I get the submission scaries - that tremor of fear just before you push the 'send' button - I think of Wayne Gretsky.

Yeah, I heard that 'huh? What does an ice hockey player have to do with submitting a story?' He said: "You miss 100 per cent of the shots you don't take." Stating the bleedin' obvious, but true nonetheless.

So I've taken my shot with Soul Food, and who knows? Maybe they'll like it enough to buy it. Maybe they won't, but I've put myself out there.

Brrrr... now comes the waiting. And the work on other stories and novels (caint never stop the wurk).

Third Opportunity

It never rains, it pours. I have another writers opportunity for those of you who need another choice. Better yet, Moxie Press is looking for unsolicited manuscripts of the romance variety between 80,000 and 100,000 words. Go to the site and check out the sub-genres, they're looking for most of the popular sub-genres.

More Ops

Courtesy of PBW should you need more opportunities for your writing. She has listed ten, from jokes for Reader's Digest to Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine and... eek! Christian Science Fiction!

There are plenty of opportunities out there, all you have to do is find them.

And now, it's back to editing my short stories for Shadowed Realms, and Demonesque for Tor.

Sigh, so much work to do in so little time...

Writer's Opportunity

Over on Anna Louise's site, there is an opportunity for writers of contemporary paranormal and romantic suspense.

Study the submission guidelines carefully, and if you think you have a manuscript worthy, then have a shot. I am. I'm working on the final edits of Demonesque and I'm going to submit - as per the instructions.

On the upside, Demonesque is 127k, and change, long; on the downside, that means I'll have to do some ferocious editing. On the upside, it's better to cut back than to insert padding. On the downside, 27k is a lot of words to lose.

On the second opportunity, Deception (for want of a better name) could fit the bill. It comes in at 117k, so it's within the range. It needs double edits, because it's only a second draft, and I'll need to put the plot doctor through it.

As a side point, I was readjusting the formating from Times New Roman to Courier New on both ms's and the page counts blew out. Where once Demonesque was a handy 465 pages; it's now 610 pages long! Deception went from a measely 416 to 553 pages.

It appears amazing that a change of font could do such things, but you have to remember that each letter is spaced differently. As you have gleaned, the Courier New font letters are broader than the Times New Roman.

But all 'wowing' aside. It matters little how many pages you write, it's the quality that's important. We've all read books that are shite, wondered how they were published. As Anna Louise points out, it's up to the editor who bought it. I guess that's good news for us newbies. Our first outing might be less than stellar, but if an editor likes it enough to buy it, the bullet has been dodged - for the moment. Years down the track, you might remember that first book and wince. Hopefully, by then, you'll have improved your craft.

All you need is that first opportunity. Anna Louise is giving you two!

There are plenty of authors out there who are aiming for the same prize; Be One Of Them!

Link

An excellent link for newbie writers from someone who's been there: JA Konrath. (Unashamedly filched from Vanessa Jaye).

On Joe's weblog you'll find all sorts of useful information, including outlining, writer's block, writing conferences and using weblogs - what makes a good one.

Weblogland is a growing market for advertising your wares. People are curious, so if you've got something you want to tout, get out there and post, but do it politely.

Read versus Write

Sigh. Every apprentice writer knows that real life gets in the way of writing, or reading. Every apprentice writer has the conundrum of wondering which is the more important.

Two schools of thought: write every day and reading is research.

You won't get your book finished if you don't write at least every day; you need to work to some sort of schedule to get those words down on paper, whether it is really early in the morning or really late at night (I'm assuming the writer in question has school-aged kids). Outside of this, there is working life, there is family life, there is friends life; all of whom take up valuable writing time. Some days, it's going to be pure hell to even make one hundred words, other days you'll resent any interruptions, like sleep, food, housework, conversations. A lot of authors organise their time so when they're writing, no one interrupts on pain of... insert your favourite torture here.

Some days, it's simply not possible to write because you are simply exhausted. You don't need a guilt trip on top of that; the nagging little voice that tells you to put down a few paragraphs. Don't. They'll either be angry and crap, or weird and crap. It's up to you whether you'll finish the book this month, or next. Take your time to craft it.

On the other side is reading time. Any reading is research. Whether it's subconsciously recognising punctuation or grammar or a particular turn of phrase or information, it's all research and grist to your mill.

There is no guilt in reading. There is no either or with reading. It's not a sacrifice to read when your work-in-progress needs more words. Ideas, solutions, directions can be gleaned from reading. When you're tense about the writing, reading is relaxing passtime, not a waste of time.

But how do you find time for both? Many professional writers confess to not enjoying reading for pleasure as much as they did before being published, others confess to not having time; both are a tragedy. The former get caught up in the technicalities, the latter in their own projects. The consequences can be... difficult. While the first will improve their own writing, there's the risk of losing why they started writing in the first place: to write better books, to write what wasn't in the market. The second is a simple loss of ideas, or getting update on the current styles and what's selling.

Always, no matter how far you go in this industry, make time to read: what's new, what's old, what's popular, what's not, what's cutting edge, what's different, what's selling.

You can have the best of both worlds and what other job is there where reading every genre can be considered research?

Proofreading

This is the last thing that happens before your book goes to press, and it must be as right as you can make it.

You’ve seen books that have boo boos and wonder how they can happen since they appear obvious.

To take on the role of proofreader means you have to be a perfectionist and have a high degree of concentration. A proofreader aims for perfect grammar, spelling, facts, punctuation; perfect everything.

As you can imagine, this is a difficult task, especially when reading a four-hundred page book!

But wait, it gets worse: you as the writer must do your best to make the proofreaders job that much more easier. No thinking that any mistakes you make will be picked up in the editing or proofreading stage: that is just lazy and will get you the corresponding reputation. Keep doing it, and publishers will consider your work too hard.

Publishers and their staff, as we know, are busy people. Get a reputation as a perfectionist for your own work and publishers, editors and proofreaders will breathe a sigh of relief.

A writer must pursue the same perfection as the proofreader, must produce the best possible work, must know when to let it go, too. And no writer will be completely satisfied with the work. There is always something that could be done better.

All this, just when you thought writing the book was the hard stuff. Nup.

Writing is a perpetual motion machine. You get an idea, you start the research, you develop your characters, plot, and theme, you break it all down from chapters into scenes, you start to write, you wrestle with ongoing issues, recalcitrant characters and a plot that doesn’t seem to be working as well as when you first thought of it, you finish the first draft and do a happy dance, you then go back and edit, and re-write, and restructure, and delete, and re-write and the second draft is done, you go back and do a third draft, you send it out for critique, you do another re-write or edit, you send it to a publisher, you receive (let’s be positive here) and acceptance with major corrections, you go back and do them, you send it back, they send it back with minor adjustments, you do them and send it back, praying it’s for the last time, the galley proofs arrive, you read through it, send it back and sit down, in need of a very large drink, the publishers send you a publishing date, you start worrying that the book is good enough to succeed, to break even, not to fail, you understand it could have been better, should have been better if only you’d… then you get an idea, you start the research…

I haven't even mentioned the ongoing saga of finding an agent - whether you should or not - finding a publisher, finding the right publisher, agent, editor, critique group, etc...

And somewhere in this, you’ve got to concentrate on being the perfectionist, do a line edit, re-read it all to try and see what the reader will see. Sigh, and this is supposed to be… fun?

It can be. If you've got focus, drive, ambition, a thick skin, imagination...
and a sense of humour. Never lose that, and never lose sight of your goal.

Mirror, Mirror

Ah, yes. The worst possible device a writer can use when trying to give a description. For me, the only reason to use this is if the writer has fallen into another cliché: that of the amnesiac.

There is always another way, even for the amnesiac character.

Someone else describes them. “I fell for your cerulean eyes first.” “This long, wheat straw hair of yours has got to go.” “If you were any taller, I’d be the one looking up to you.” “I had no idea you pale Brits could blush so rosily.”

Just from these four lines – if the description was about the same person – you’d know they had blue eyes, dark blonde hair that’s rough, was tall and had pale skin. You could put in another, “Damn, but you’re a skinny thing.” And you know the body type.

If your character is alone, why do they need to know what they look like? Vanity? To provoke some memory? For effect? Ah, ha! A clue, a device! A shimmering reflection in a pool of water? A pale, faded glimpse of a stranger in a piece of brushed metal? The forlorn image superimposed on a porthole view of a star-speckled night sky? Mirror, mirror. For a single amnesiac, maybe.

Using a mirror is an easy way out. The alternative also slowly gives the reader information without the dump, it feeds it out. You don’t want your reader to be bored with timeless reflection in the mirror. Who actually stares at themselves describing what they see unless they’re narcissistic or and actor?

Speech patterns are the same. Don’t use unnecessary words. ‘Said’ is perfectly acceptable, or nothing at all if it’s a short conversation. We get the emotion from the action surrounding the speech. And there have been many an essay on using -ly words where none are needed, here is one and it explains it well.

Think of your reader as watching a movie. Play it out for them, their imagination will fill in anything else. If your character is in a warehouse, the imagery is of boxes, usually wooden, stacked high. Add a little to it; if your character is on the bridge of a space ship, well, Star Trek, Firefly, Space 1999, even Doctor Who will spring to mind unless you give the reader a reason to think it’s not like that at all. Ask yourself if you need to.

True description is needed for monsters/aliens/mutations, medical/forensic/mechanical, technicals/inventions/scenery and the like. People can be describe via conversation/action/attitude. And the best are short, sweet and informative.

There in lies the rub: how do you do that? Experience, for one, practice for another, reading authors who do it. There are so many ways, but if this job were easy, everyone would be doing it.

Cross-eyed

Yeah, I've been blog-hopping. Most blogs are nicely laid out, but a few, man. The way they're set out hurts the eyes.

Blue text on a black screen, in my opinion, is asking for fewer readers, especially when the author writes a lot. In fact, coloured writing on a black screen is a big no-no to me. I don't want to spend the next half hour with striped vision, thanks very much. I can even understand the thinking behind such a screen: author of dark and sensuous material, must have dark and sensuous weblog. Thank God it's not red writing!

Readers don't like to be confronted with such things; be modest and think of them, plowing through row upon row of stark writing (and I don't mean the style).

I found a beige colour with black writing enough. Nothing fancy; which neatly segues into writing itself.

You could easily take the metaphor further and agree that a bold, stark weblog is appropriate for the author's books of a similar ilk. A couple of weblogs I read are a virulent pink (a colour I loathe) that expresses exactly what the author is all about: romance, in all it's prettiness and unashamed femininity. Another weblog has a militaristic feel because the author writes about the military. It gives the reader exactly what's expected.

In a nastier mood, I could say it's all whitebread: bland, uninteresting, atypical and cliched. I won't because on the other hand, the reader knows what to expect. You don't go to a military romance site if you're looking for, say, legal romance. If you mention a particular author's name, someone will say 'oh, she writes ....' and you'll know what to expect when you get to the site.

Yet another author does precisely nothing to indicate the genre. Nor do I, but I'm not copying.

My weblog is like it is for another reason: I was a desktop publisher and learned what was easier on the eyes and what wasn't; what lent itself to long reading without any eye-strain.

Books are the same. Lurid cover - sensual or erotic text; space battle cover - sci-fi military text; doctor cover - medical text; and so on. You know what to expect.

However, there are those covers who hide what's inside or give minimal clues. These are the best. So unassuming, so innocent to what's going on between the covers. You've seen them, read them, enjoyed them.

I guess that's what I call what lies beneath books. I love 'em. And I'm thankful I've found weblogs that are similar; I'm tired of the garish, the outlandish and the just-to-damn-hard to read.

How... coy

The new Australian Tourism ad continues to attract criticism from around the world.

First it was the Brits who objected to the word "Bloody" even though the Royal Family uses it as does a number of television programs. Through diplomatic efforts, the ad can now be played. Next were the Canadians, who, at first, objected to the word "Hell". They then changed their mind and objected to the unlabelled beer in the ad. If it had been branded, no problem.

Now the Americans, or, more specifically, the American Family Association - an organisation with reputedly two million members, is set to protest the ad.

According to a news report via AAP, the group are upset at 'bloody' and 'hell', and will boycott holidays to Australia.

"I just feel pretty sure the typical American family who is watching TV with their children and they're exposed to this ad are going to be upset," AFA director of special projects, Randy Sharp, told AAP.

"I don't want my children to hear that phrase.

"It's a shocking phrase because we're not familiar with it.

"I guess they use it all the time in Australia, but it's a foreign language here so I think it'll have a negative impact rather than positive."

I'm sorry, what? "... but it's a foreign language...?"

Bloody Hell! And here I thought Americans, Canadians, English, New Zealands, Australians, etc. all spoke the same language but with different accents!

In all fairness to the AFA, I went over to their site to check, but there was no mention of the ad. It could, of course, change. I'd dearly love to put the boot into this organisation, but... I can't; not on this issue, because there is nothing supporting the story.

The fundamental point remains: it's an ad. You can turn it off, mute it even, not watch at all. But this prissiness about a couple of words people have been using as a common part of the English language for decades pisses me off: the hypocrasy of the Brits, the confusion of the Canadians - as if they know they should object, but don't know about what - and the AFA, who's only wish is to return to the oppression of women, gays and minors in a country that's the world leader in pornography and violence. Yeah, yeah, this group is trying to stop the x-rated industry and violence on tv, but until the Americans get rid of their "God Given Right To Bear Arms", go argue with someone who cares.

Remember, it's an ad and while the pictures accurately portray what Australia looks like, not everyone goes around saying 'Bloody Hell'. "Howthefukareya", sure, but 'bloody hell'? Only occasionally, and only when necessary: we have other language idiosyncrasies. Come on down and learn a few.

Days like these

I knew I should have stayed in bed. God. The sun wasn't even up. I am so over Daylight Savings, and to have it extended for a week to cover the Commonwealth Games, well, that's just mean. I expect the sun to be up before me. Weather forecast: it's too dark to see, just go with the flow.

But work beckoned. Gotta go if I want to pay the bills and all that.

Yeah, got there a little late; no big deal, I'm the first one in anyway. The main database computer wouldn't start, gave me a 'cpu changed, input new information and save!' Sure, only I don't know it. Weather forecast: rumbles of thunder and doom heading my way.

Everyone else piles in and each and everyone of them say, 'hey, the computer's not working'. I repeat ad nauseum that I know and there's nothing I can do except put a call into the technician. "Sure, we'll put it down as 'urgent'." I'm sure I can hear muffled laughter in the background. Glad I could amuse someone. Weather forecast: cloudy with the promise of sunshine that probably won't happen.

Turn over of duties because my supervisor is going on two months leave. I didn't remember signing up for all this extra stuff, but okay, it'll be fine. Now I'm responsible for Court proceedings and financials. Hmmm... weather forecast: expect hail and lightning strikes. Day going to hell.

Customer comes in ranting and raving about not being treated with respect. Actually, it was "You treat us like shit, you fucking c...s!" No, I'm not going to reconnect your electricity until you pay us what you owe. I didn't remind her that she was two months late. She pays up and demands immediate connection. I politely demure. The electrician is 30 miles away and won't be able to do it until the morning. More ranting, but accepts this. Wants to lodge formal complaint. Isn't happy with my offer of speaking to the Deputy Director, wants the top bodgie. Okay, here's his number, may I have yours so he can call you? Customer obliges with ill-grace. I'll have him call you as soon as he returns from his meeting. Weather forecast: storm front moving on, but expect showers to continue.

Relate situation to supervisor who wusses out and arranges reconnection for the afternoon, thus giving the bitch the moral high ground, the ammunition to trash us and to spread the news that a little pressure will bring the right result even when not entitled to it. Supervisor goes on leave in two days leaving two of us to deal with the fallout. Weather forecast: Sunny periods as lunchtime approaches.

Director interrupts lunch and blissful peace of illusion via Eric Flint's Ring of Fire to tell me customer is unhappy about the way she was treated. Chastised for being rude. I express my lack of faith in her honesty and again explain the situation adding there were witnesses. Boss unimpressed, but it has been dealt with. Don't have to apologise. Well, phew, can't have that can we? Fancy apologising for being polite and calm? Weather forecast: Sunny periods obscured by fog.

More customers come in to pay electricity. Give them hand written receipts that will have to be inputted into the computer later. Expect these customers to be sent automatic final notices with added fees because the computer is down. Weather forecast: Heavy rain of "I paid this on time!"

Two more customers come in for licences fifteen minutes before closing. Nope, you're not on the system, must contact a different state to confirm. Well, hell. Here, fill out the paperwork and we'll be ready for you tomorrow. Fine. Apologise for the lack of information. Not our fault, system sucks. Don't it just. Weather forecast: forget it. Start again tomorrow.

Close up shop. No sign of computer tech. Weather forecast: Strong winds of denial followed by cold front of disbelief and frustration. Expect sunny periods late Friday about 4.30pm.

Cyclone Larry

At his most ferocious, Larry, a category 5 cyclone had a pressure reading of 915hPa just before he hit the coast at Innisfail. That rose to 930hPa as he crossed the coastline bringing destructive 300kmh wind gusts and driving rain.

Residents had early warning and those who wanted to be, were evacuated in good time, especially those on the resort islands of Dunk and Begarra Islands.

The destruction is amazing, according to some who were in contact with media organisations via mobile phones. One resident said she heard the electricity transponders explode down the road. Others reported garden sheds, signs, tree branches and at least one chicken, flying at speed down the roads.

The Australian Army at Townsville, two hours south of the impact zone, worked all night to prepare for this event, loading essential items like water, food, tarpaulins and chainsaws. They were ready to go on a moment's notice.

Larry is currently category three and is wreaking havoc on the Atherton Tablelands as he moves closer to the Gulf of Carpentaria. This is good because he will be away from land, but bad because he'll have the opportunity to re-intensify before moving on to the Northern Territory.

Both the sugar cane and banana crops have been devastated. "Flattened" one farmer reported, and at least one in three houses have been damaged; some totally destroyed.

Following on from Larry, cyclone Wati, currently category 1 is moving towards Queensland and could hit later on this week.

Minor injuries have been reported, as have missing people. So far, details on casualties is sketchy at best, with the Cairns Base Hospital reporting at least 20 cases so far. That, no doubt, will rise as the army arrives to take charge.

Queensland Premier, Peter Beattie, has declared the area a disaster zone and a hotline is being set up.

The long term effects of this one cyclone will be felt for some time, economically, environmentally and socially; in the short term, the clean up has already begun.

The rest of us Aussies will be there for the people of Innisfail, no matter what and we're all thinking of you guys up north. Stay safe.

ABCs of Jaye

I found this over at Vanessa Jaye's site and thought I would do one myself, so, here goes:

A is for Age: 40s
B is for Booze of choice: Bourbon
C is for Career: Admin and Court officer
D is for your Dog's name: Saxon
E is for Essential items you use every day: Computer, car, eyeglasses, lighter
F is for Favourite song of the moment: KT Tunstall, Suddenly, I See, Gorillaz, Feels Good
G is for favourite Game: Doom
H is for Hometown: Vincentia
I is for Instruments you play: None
J is for Jam or jelly you like: Plum
K is for Kids: 0
L is for Last kiss: hmmm.... when I was young...
M is for Most admired trait: sense of humour
N is for Name of your crush: none
O is for Overnight hospital stays: 2
P is for Phobias: spiders
Q is for Quotes you like: "You miss 100 per cent of the shots you don't take." Wayne Gretsky, "You have no right to keep your imagination to yourself." I don't know who said it, but it's great.
R is for biggest Regret: Jeez... okay... Not falling in love.
S is for Sweets of your choice: Rocky Road!
T is for Time you wake up: 6.30am
U is for Underwear: bikini
V is for Vegetable you love: Hah! Brussel Sprouts!
W is for Worst habit: Smoking
X is for X-rays: um... 7 - foot (fell out of a tree), ankle (soccer), 3 abdomen (car accident), wrist (hockey, car accident), knee (hockey), jaw (teeth)
Y is for Yummy food you make: As a specialty, cheesecake, all sorts, love 'em. I'm a decent cook otherwise
Z is for Zodiac: Gemini

And there you have it: more information than I would normally divulge.

The Power of the Dragon

I've always found it interesting, the things that people collect, from bottle caps and beer bottles to quilts and baseball cards and everything in between. Everyone is interested in something. For me, it is the arcane. The mysterious Dragon.

Were they real? Oh, I can hear you laugh and say: "Of course not. There are no records, no remains, no pictographs on cave walls." No one can find the missing link between simians and homo erectus either. Archaeopteryx is the closest fossil we've found. Dinosaur or Dragon? Well, okay, dinosaur, but you can see the evolution, if it had taken place.

The Eastern dragon, as depicted in asian art, is a powerful entity. Often shown holding the Pearl of Life, the Shen Lung represents good fortune and abundance and is the herald of good tidings. With an open mouth the dragon is breathing the Cosmic Breath, or Chi, which can be good or bad depending on your Feng Shui.

I had the Shen Lung presented to me as a gift. He came from Singapore, and good luck followed. Not overt win-the-lottery kind of good luck, it was much more... soul deep: the return to a job I like, the creativity and focus of novel writing, the early arrival and perfection of my new desk, finding the perfect hutch to go with it, the quiet, less stress-filled life I lead now; that kind of luck.

Last week, I added to my collection: twin green and gold dragons; Yin and Yang, Masculine and Feminine energy, Northern and Southern hemispheres, the good and the bad. The twins are beautiful, carefully sculptured and up to their tricks: Lost money, upset breakfast bowl, temporarily missing file; nothing malicious, simply... provocative.

We all live with such things every day - I'll write about so called 'gremlins' in a future post - but for me it's a rare occurence for so many things to happen at once.

I've now separated my Eastern dragons from the Western ones (there are more of them); and I think they'll be happier. I mean that. Think of the esoteric, the metaphysical, rather than the physical and with our alleged more sophisticated mind.

Our culture teaches us that such things are impossible; worse, that to do so is expressing a sort of insanity since it cannot be proven to be true. Faith, for wont of a better word, is an esoteric event. Does God exist? Did dragons? Both are leaps of faith and I am unwilling to say 'nay' or 'yay' to either.

What I do know is that magic happens, whether we want it to or not. And one of the most power icons in eastern or celtic philosophy is that of the dragon. I'm comfortable with creature of myth. The dragon holds no fear for me, only comfort. It matters not what the dragon is to others, only what it is to me and my id.

It is that magic that each of us holds inside - and for some, denies - that makes us who and what we are.

The truth of the matter is that only the true cynics, the truly unevolved (and I'll get into that, too, later) disbelieve in magic. It's an unfortunate consequence that it is these people who are in control.

Bombs Away!

I was asked to laminate and bind two dozen copies of a government emergency procedures flipchart, that is to be placed on workers' desks.

Below is taken from the Bomb Threat Checklist, so you’ll be able to understand my astonishment at some of the questions.

These 'general' questions are real and in order, I’ve taken the liberty of answering these dumbass questions:

What it is? Let me speak more slowly for you… it is a bomb.
When is the bomb going to explode? When the timer runs down.
When will the substance be released? Uh….
Where did you put it? Where it will do the most good.
What does it look like? Oh, let me think, it looks like a bomb!
When did you put it there? Me? No-one one saw me do it, you can't prove a thing!.
How will the bomb explode? With a loud bang, I hope.
How will the substance be released? When the bomb goes bang.
Did you put it there? Nah, the bomb fairy did, I saw her.
Why did you put it there? Me? Ask the bomb fairy.

But wait, there’s more:

What kind of substance is it? Bomb-like substance.
How much of the substance is there? Enough to be really impressive.
Is the substance a liquid, powder or gas? Um… vegetable? No, wait! Animal...
What type of bomb is it? A bomb-type bomb.
What is in the bomb? Oh, you know, this and that, with a pinch of another thing.
What will make the bomb explode? People asking me stupid questions while my finger is on the button.

How much time do you really have? Does anyone really believe that a bomber is going to answer any of these questions or are they going just tell 'there's a bomb' and leave it at that?

I know I shouldn't be facetious, but God! Which idiot came up with this? I can’t even change it, no matter how much I really, really, want to.

At least we're prepared, right?

Reviewers...

Are emotional creatures. Any writer knows he/she will get both the good and the bad, and most will not enter into debates about reviews. Hell, a lot won’t even read them. They’ve done their work, they’re happy with the result and over the moon to be published. Reviews, however, can make or break a writer. A bad review can doom a fledgling career or damage a growing reputation; a good review can propel a writer to stardom or simply to an increase in income.

For readers, it’s a little different. By reading reviews, a reader can garner a few spoilers and the opinions of others. They can then go out and buy the book, or borrow it from the library, or not buy at all.

I read reviews, especially of those books that aren’t out in Australia yet. I like to know what others think. Not because I’m so weak-willed as to be influenced by them, but because I’m interested. For particular authors, I’ll buy and read the book simply to find out what the fuss is all about.

Most times, I’m right in thinking the reviewers missed the point of the book totally. And sometimes, I find that they are right.

Two examples just to show I’m not squeamish.

S. L. Viehl’s book Rebel Ice, has come in for some criticism for basically destroying the relationship between Reever and Cherijo. One reviewer, a reader, went so far as to say he tossed the book into the trash (see Amazon.com), another said she wouldn’t be reading the series any more because after all the adventures they’d had together to finally find happiness, she didn’t want to start all over again. These two reviewers missed the point, and the theme, and what the book was about. If they want a series of clichéd happy endings, this is not the series to indulge in. If they want truth and consequence, then this is a great series.

Yes, it’s a departure from the norm, but hey, what a ride!

How can you keep a character like Cherijo from always winning the day and falling into predictability? Ms Viehl has answered that question admirably and sneakily.

This book is the harbinger of new beginnings, and to do that, something had to happen. And did, in spades.

Micha, by Laurell K. Hamilton, on the other hand, is more of the same angst that has populated the Anita Blake series since Narcissus in Chains. The navel-gazing is tedious and bores me to tears. Anita has gone from a strong, self-possessed and honourable woman to an emotional train wreck unwilling to make hard decisions. I don’t give a rat’s bladder about how many men she’s fucking in how many different ways. I don’t. And as such, I’m tired of the scenes. They add little to the story, and have no consequences worth worrying about. I'd be telling all the men to simply fuck off. Anita broke the fourth mark back in Circus of the Damned. She's much more powerful now, and it's time she used it to divest herself of the leeches she thinks she loves.

Just to kill any misunderstanding here, Ms Hamilton has already stated that the pregnancy issue in the upcoming Danse Macabre is a ‘scare’, so all this debate about who the father is, is nothing more than bullshit. Will I buy the book given that it’s reportedly a thousand pages long? How much of it will be useless sex scenes? I don’t know, but I want the series to return to the supernatural, and not be a reflection of Ms Hamilton’s own sex life. There’s been precious little of the supernatural so many readers bought the books for, and as such, only the hardline fans are still buying.

That’s sad because the series started out with so much promise.

One of the rules of writing a great book, or series, is to have ups and downs. Series are just really, really long books. A writer must lift the reader, crush the reader, take the reader on the same journey as the characters. If you have the same ‘ole, same ‘ole, readers become bored and move on to someone else. To keep a reader, you must hurt them, make them want a solution, make them keep going to find out how to achieve happiness or at least give them an appropriate resolution.

If you’re tempted to write a review, never look at the surface of a book, look to the underline themes and plots, how it’s progressed, whether the consequences of actions is appropriate. Once you’ve done that, you’ll see the book as the writer intended, and not be influenced by the nasty prejudice of Happily Ever After at all costs.

Hot Button Week

It's been a tough week. Hot buttons being pressed everywhere; from the abortion debate in South Dakota to the question of using material when the owner of the copyright can't be found. Both are contentious issues and the weblog rounds are full of argument.

Neither of these arguments can be understated, nor can they be dismissed lightly. Both seek to challenge the rights of the individual - one to control over a woman's body, the other to earn a living, fundamental human rights in my view.

But it's not just about the here and now. It's about the insidious undermining of individual rights. For the abortion amendments, it's an attack on Roe v Wade, one amendment at a time until R v W becomes obselete. Take note, for instance, of a recently defeated bill in Illinois that required a doctor to report to authorities any woman who suffered from a miscarriage. As an invasion of privacy, it's reprehensible; that Senators can come up with such proposals and have support indicates a growing radical religious right wing willing and able to usurp an individual's rights just because they don't believe it is the 'christian' way.

For the copyright issue, it's stripping an artist of the right to make a living from their hard work.

The issue of Fan Fiction is already out there causing problems and this is one more step towards legalised plagiarism - theft, in fact. When was that legalised?

The good news is, this is happening in the U.S.; the bad news is that America influences the world.

I'd like to say it is moral decline, but it's much worse than that. These two issues are yet another example of a government willing to listen to the self-servicing whores who sit on Capitol Hill pursuing personal agendas rather than the issues of the people who voted them in.

What lies in the future? Why does America have a president who is unwilling to support women in need of an abortion - for whatever reason - and is yet ferociously killing off young men and women in a war? What price that hypocrasy?

Critiques

I belong to the Forward Motion site, and as a member, I also belong to the Kiss and Spell critiquing group. We deal with fantasy with a romance tossed in. It hasn't been very active lately, although I put that down to the busy lives the members lead. I know that with all the stuff going on in my life, I barely have time to actually check in, let alone do any critiquing.

It led me to a thought about needing critiquing. Don't get me wrong, every work needs someone to look at it, because authors, for all their skill, have blind spots. Mine is thinking a particular piece of work is as good as I can write it before I post. The reply is usually that as a first draft, it's good, but needs work.

That usually leads me to a number of emotions: the first is that it's not a first draft, thank you very much; the second is well, shit. And the third is whether I need that kind of crap in the first place.

It's hard, really hard, to know what is good work and what isn't. Writing is subjective. I've had a critique by a total stranger wax lyrical about the book and others who have said simply: "it needs work". How the hell is a writer supposed to know when something works or not?

Some of it is gut instinct: I write what I'd like to read and if it has minor problems, well they're fixable if pointed out. That's the emotional side.

The other side is professional: those cold-blooded creatures who know what will sell once your 'brilliant and un-put-downable tome is in their hands.

It's a delicate balance, one I have yet to achieve. Writing is not only about time, it's about emotional investment. A good writer will put themselves into a book, a great writer will open an emotional vein and pour it onto every page.

One of the hardest things I've had to write was a rape scene. Murder, betrayal, even war was easy; rape touches off all sorts of emotions in people. Did it work for me? I don't know. It's one of the best pieces of writing I've ever done, but no-one has read it... yet, but they're about to.

Writing is being brave, it's gathering your courage and putting out there your hear and soul and expecting both to be kicked really hard.

The book, Deception - for wont of a better title - is the last book I wrote and I'm going to put parts of it up for critiquing in my circle. Wish me luck; it's a difficult book and I'm expecting difficult reviews.

Maybe I'll gird my loins, hide the fear of rejection and post some it; it's about time I did so.

Exercising mind and body

When I come home from a hard day's work, I fire up the computer to do some editing and writing - if I have time.

I get out the 'thigh-buster!', load up what I'm editing and get to work, both on the machine and on the editing. (Exercising the abs is a morning thing.)

The music I play supplies the beat for my legs and the screen is large enough for me to read the work. I suppose it's an odd way to do things, but it works. Firmer thighs and focus on the text.

What I discovered in reading my work is a result of not plotting. As ideas occur, I work them into the story line; it's a simply way for the evolution of story and character. The problem is that an idea comes shortly before the solution or it's needed. Yeah, I winced too.

To get around this, I have to plot after the book is written. Tedious, to say the least, but a skill I learned at journalism school. Have the story in your head and write it straight to paper or screen (as it is these days), then you can edit afterwards.

No author will tell you they get the story right first time, and if they do, you have my permission to call them a liar. It just aint so.

How authors evolve their stories is a personal thing. Some simply sit and write; some put on mood music depending on the scene; some will literally wear their thinking cap; some will act out the scene, reciting dialogue to get a feel for their characters; some have an empty desk and others are surrounded by clutter. It's personal. What's important is to find a way that works. I have a number of ways, which I'm not going to tell because they change. (I think it's a Gemini thing.)

The result of all this, is that exercise, no matter how you do it, is not only important to your physical health but your mental health, too.

I'm wondering whether I would have found this problem with my current work, or whether I'd have missed it and been rejected as a result. There are so many things to watch for when writing and I'm pleased I've got this one, at least, nailed down.

Now, on the weekend, I can focus on fixing it and making the book better; and have a better shot at publishing.

Reviews

Over at Holly Lisle's Forward Motion Community, the March Challenge is on.

I don't do many challenges during the year, mainly the May Story-a-day marathon and the Novemeber National Novel Writing challenge. This month, however, it's book reviews. It's a new area of the site that I applaud, especially since books are becoming expensive to buy and various publishers are busy pimping unworthy novels.

The good thing about this challenge and new area is that fellow readers can give their opinion of what's out there.

In this global market, for example, it means that a US or UK published book can be ordered by those of us on the other side of the world. Sure, we gotta wait, but with a good review, it can be worth it.

For me, personally, I read a lot of books during the year. The side bar is actually less than what I would read in a year. That's because of work, both the real life stuff, plus writing/editing my own. And as you know, writing a novel is no easy, simple or short term thing.

So. I'm actually going to add to my workload by getting involved in the challenge. I don't know what my first review will be, but since I'm a 'pip' hog, and I'm reading it now, it will probably be Micah by Laurel K. Hamilton.

I wonder if I can review one of my own?

Loch Ness a Lot Less?

According to this, the Loch Ness Monster is merely the trunk of an elephant. In actuality, this photo, one of the most famous, is a fake.

This legend, according the article, has been around since 1933. While I admit the picture does indeed look like an elephant's trunk, I would suggest that the researcher dig a little deeper on reported sightings.

Here for example, or here. There are a number of places and websites dedicated to the alleged Loch Ness Monster, or plesiosaur, some are good some are not. There are dedicated sites and there are sites, which I'm sure you can find, that are a combination of all modern day mythologies. And you're wondering about my point.

Well, it is this: a lucrative myth has grown up around Nessie, just like it has around Bigfoot, Area 52, the assassination of JFK, werewolves, etc. The outrageous and astonishing have always captured the imagination of the public, even as they garner sneers in private professional circles.

I think media outlets should really check their facts - and photos - first before printing speculation unless the readership is told specifically that it is speculative.

I've long thought that media standards have dropped to an all time low since a certain someone came to the fore in the industry. Sensationalism has replaced Facts... but that's another bugbear of mine.

While Nessie and the other mysteries continue to be categorically unproven, the media should stay out of it. Have definitive proof and print it, or leave the myths and mysteries alone to be enjoyed by those who believe in them. Anything else smacks of the above mentioned sensationalism.

Passing by

According to Science Fiction Weekly Nebula and Hugo award winning author Octavia Butler has died, aged 58.

The number three comes into play here, because the same magazine has also reported the deaths of Kolchak: The Nightstalker star, Darren McGavin, 83, and Don Notts, 81.

I've never read Ms Butler, but I'm familiar with the name. As for Darren McGavin and Don Notts, I watched Nightstalker and some of the episodes scared the tripe out of me. It was scary stuff, compelling, and I often found myself leaning towards the television set just before the creature was unveiled. The shocks were real; my heart would pound and I'd get that instant hot/cold feeling. I have no idea why I continued to watch Nightstalker, I just did. Perhaps it was the slow build up of tension, followed by the creepy bit - it wasn't a bloodfest, or gratuitous, it just was. At least, that's my memory of it.

Don Notts I remember from The Incredible Mr Limpet and the Disney movies he was in. A cowardly, facially mobile, bug-eyed man of enormous talent and humour.

It's sad that all three have gone, but their work will go on.

Overly Sensitive

Also in Science Fiction Weekly is an interesting story on British author Michael Moorcock and the fact that his latest book, The Vengeance of Rome "has no American publisher and probably won't until 'the current political climate changes'." The gist of the problem is that Moorcock's protagonist is considered unacceptable to the American public at large. I don't agree and for the publishers to fear a 'backlash' is to deny the readers there the opportunity to form their own opinions. Moorcock has argued that "The publishers, with what strikes me as a typical contempt for their readership, feel they know best." You can read more at the above link.

This kind of thing is becoming more prevalent, with overseas authors rejecting US publishing offers because of publishers demanding changes to suit what they see as the current political climate in America. Contempt is right. American readers are perfectly capable of not buying a book if they're unhappy with the reviews or word of mouth about it, or even the blurb. They are perfectly capable of making their unhappiness or enjoyment of a book known. We do not need a book police, thank you very much; no democratic country does, nor do the reading public need publishers to tell us what we should and should not be reading. We can make up our own minds; it's why we've got them.

Writers Festivals

The first of the 2006 Writers Festivals is being held in Adelaide this week. Held from the 5th to the 10th of March, luminaries such as Val McDermid, Minette Walters, Ronald Wright, Vikram Seth, Delia Falconer, David Malouf, Helen Garner, Sandy McCutcheon are attending. Some of the interesting topics include: Tyranny of History, Imaginary Homelands, Learning the Craft and Raising the Dead. One day, when I grow up, I'm gonna go to this festival.

Next up is the St Kilda Writers Festival 24-30 April. No word yet on who's attending, but the list should be up soon - at least I hope it is.

The Sydney Writers Festival is 22-28 May. I haven't decided whether to go, they haven't posted any guests and they've had some seriously pretentious 'guests' in the past. Very much a 'literary' event where political correctness and the current fad in social outrage finds a willing audience. Not my bag really.

In the depths of a Canberra Winter, Conflux 3 is being held 9-12 June at the National Museum. This Festival is different to all the others I've posted here: It's all about Science Fiction and Fantasy and I'm there! Oh, yes, I've paid up, got somewhere to stay, money in my pocket and excitement brewing. Who's going to be there? Well, by virtue of virtual: Ray Bradbury, Sir Arthur C. Clark and Lloyd Alexander; live and in person International Editor Guest of Honour: Ellen Datlow, International Special Guests: Joan D. Vinge, Steve Jackson and Jim Frenkel. Other guests are: Sara Douglass, Kate Forsyth, Manga artist, Queenie Chan, children's author, Jackie French and a bunch of others. There will be an art show, film festival, as well as the traders room and talks/discussions/panels. I am soooo looking forward to this...

Hmm..., now that I've picked up and brushed off my dignity, I'll get to the rest:

Melbourne's Writers Festival is later on in the year: 25 August to 3 September, an excellent time of the year to have it. Melbourne is gorgeous in the Spring, and the Festival is celebrating 20 years.

Brisbane plays host to the writers from 14-17 September. Nice and warm. I don't know who's going to be there, I imagine their still organising. Until I know, of course I'm not going.

Byron Bay Writers Festival celebrates 10 years from 3-6 August. This festival attracts writers like Thomas Keneally (whose work I loathe), Peter FitzSimons (whose books are brilliant), comedian and social commentator, Wendy Harmer, and others. It's closer to me than Adelaide and Melbourne, so this year it might just be a goer - depending on which writers turn up.

There are other regional writers events going on, it's just a matter of tuning in to your arts area. Your local library is a good place to start hunting for the festivals or local writer's group.

Shifted

I've spent my Saturday moving furniture. Yep, the monster desk arrived yesterday and today I unloaded two bookcases, moved them, the computer stuff, the filing cabinet, the table the computer was on, the stereo and my beloved collection of dragons. I've also stained the desk hutch that will sit on the monster.

Some days, I wish I had a significant other to help shift stuff, but hey, I moved it myself and it's done. All I have to do now is wait for the hutch to dry, move it into position and I can stop procrastinating and get on with fling words around. Since the desk has a keyboard draw, I bought myself a wireless keyboard and mouse, so there are now no excuses.

If I ever have to move house... well, let's not create any nightmares. I'm smug and satisfied with the new look of my office. Uh, actually, there is one more thing I need: a chair. Not new, thank you, but a wooden one to match the desk unit. I'm patient though, I can wait until I see one, rather than dashing out and purchasing the first one I see. I searched for two years for the right desk, I can wait for the matching chair.

Actually, now that I think about it, I'm ready to get back to writing. I have a book to finish and there's no time like the present.

Spiders...

I've actually lost a couple of posts due to some sort of collision in cyberspace. But, not to worry. This is one I found rather interesting.

A couple of nights ago, I was watching CSI:NY. One young character, it was finally established, died from the bite of the "Brazilian Wandering Spider". This name was repeated a number of times.

This is the Brazilian Wandering spider.


I really dislike eight-legged creatures, and I'm aware that, here in Australia, we have a few of the nasties. I also get a little peeved when television programs all over the world use an item/animal, whatever, and it is so wrong. Is the international viewing community so little thought of that producers couldn't be bothered with accuracy? I mean, come on! Every arachnaphobe knows a deadly spider when they see it, hell we know the not-so-deadly ones, too.

It's not a good picture, but this is taken from CSI:NY


If anyone remembers the episode "Zoo York" (yeah, I know we're a long way behind, but what can you do?) you'll recall Stella 'milking' the aforementioned Brazilian Wandering Spider.

Nuh, not even close. It looked more like this:

Atrax Robustus, commonly known as the Sydney Funnelweb Spider.

Although I suspect that the spider on the carpet is something harmless (Can't really have a deadly spider running around, can we?). The part of the program I refer to is when Stella is 'milking' the damn thing. Two thoughts here: no one in their right mind would pick up a deadly spider to milk it that way - FYI pipettes are used so fingers are nowhere near fangs - and two, the image that stays in my mind is that it was a Funnelweb spider, a big one, all glossy carapace, big, downward striking fangs, spinnerets on its butt... I could be wrong, but I have seen 'em that big; down at the Snowy Mountains, yep, they're BIG.

I'd like to think that U.S. production teams would do better in authenticating their props. Guess I was wrong... again. Next thing you know, they'll be calling our Red-back spider a "Black Widow"!

Stuff

I took a phone call this week letting me know my desk had arrived. Yep, a full six weeks early. I did not jump for joy, nor did I panic. It was more of an 'oh, shit' moment. Why? I figured I had plenty of time to move things around before it arrived. Let's remember this is 1.77 metres wide, or nearly six feet; no small thing.

I'm looking at where the desk is supposed to go, and there is no way it's gonna fit; not unless I do some heavy work. My current desk is four feet wide; on one side is a four foot wide bookcase, filled with, well, books. On the other is a seven and a half foot wall unit. On the outside of the bookcase and the unit are power points. On the other side of the unit power point, is a doorway and another bookcase. Yeah, it's a long room. The facing wall has built in shelves along it's length and doors grace each end of the room leading to outside.

What to do?

The only thing I can: shift furniture. The easiest way is to replace the bookcase with one of my smaller ones - the three foot one. Of course, I've got to take out the books in each, shift the cases, then reload. Just looking at it all is depressing, but the desk, oh, the desk is worth it.

To add to all this is the delivery of thirteen more books I ordered. That leaves about four somewhere out there in Aussie Post land. I think I'm going to need another bookcase...

What price a country?

Most people in Australia believe in a fair go; that most immigrants are welcome as long as they don't bring their bad habits here. We love our ethnic foods, we love our multicultural festivals, we're friendly to our neighbours, no matter where they came from and we will help a local community no matter where the citizens were born.

Australians are known for a laidback lifestyle and laconic humour, our generosity of spirit and the indefinable ethic of 'mateship'.

But don't think we'll accept anybody. Australia, like every other nation has a right to chose who shall and shall not be allowed to come to the country; as a tourist, as a worker, as a new citizen.

So what's this all about, huh? Is there some reason why the Treasurer isn't allowed to express his opinion?

Is there some reason why new citizens shouldn't be loyal to this country? Why they can't respect what Australia is all about? Isn't that why they came here in the first place? For freedom, for democracy, for a better life?

Mr Costello said: "anyone not prepared to accept Australian values, and who had citizenship of another country, should not remain an Australian citizen."

As westerners, we are required to accept the cultural, social and legal values of any other country we move to, or, indeed, visit. Our country isn't any different.

Simply put: You don't like how we do things here, then go where you do like how things are done.

Australia is for Australians, and we come from here, the Americas, the Asias, Europe, the British Isles, Africa, the Pacific Islands, just about every nation you care to name. What we don't want is for radical bigots bringing their shit over here and causing a ruckus.

I don't care where you come from, you don't like your own country? Change it from the inside, don't come here and criticise us for not doing enough, for being culturally insensitive, for being intolerant. You don't like our own country? Go somewhere else, don't harass our women on the beach because bikinis offend your eyes, don't roam in vicious packs attacking lone people and blame it on the victim. Don't demand we understand your way when it is not our way - make the information available, and we will read it. Don't curse at our lack of attention when you won't even learn our language.

What really pisses me off is that anyone who expresses an opinion, an opposing opinion, on this topic is branded a racist. Sorry, but bullshit.

This country was built on certain values, is maintained by certain values, and is respected for those values. That is the Australia I live in. If you can't or won't accept those values, then fuck off.

Hot books

While the typical argument goes on about what romance is and isn't, what erotica is and isn't, the genre continues to draw in readers.

If you're in any doubt as to it's popularity, check out Rendezvous Books. Yesterday, on the first day of their sale, the site crashed under the weight of customers. In the morning, within two hours of the sale being on. Not bad for a genre long derided.

I'm hoping to get in early on Wednesday to avoid another possible crash.

Rights of the individual

Today, I watched the morning talk show. It's light entertainment that sometimes tackles the 'big' issues. One particular guest, though, has stuck his university's finger into a hornets nest.

He and his group, Resistence have put together and are selling flag burning kits. You get a miniature Australian flag, a fire starter and a box of matches. Why? To protest the governments policies on asylum seeker detention, our contribution to the Iraq war, treatment of the indigenous population and the way we are being governed. As spokesman for this group, Tim *** feels that it is a way to create debate in society on issues that concern the citizens.

He's right. Those issues do concern Australians. He's wrong, however, to take this approach. Tim came across as naive in the extreme and showed a distinct lack of knowledge on these issues. He, in fact, wasn't interested in any argument against his perceived ideas. His and his groups attitude is that the refugees should be released, that no war is ever justified and more money and resources should be given to the indigenous population. The rest is an amorphous generality.

I'll explain the other side. We have no refugees in detention. We have asylum seekers who are detained until their health, character and legitimacy can be established. It is Australia's sovereign right to decide who can and cannot come to this country, like any other nation on Earth.

The action in Iraq. This is a controversial topic. There are plenty of arguments for and against. For me, personally, the government acted to the best of its knowledge at the time. Who lied to whom when isn't the issue. And while we are there, our soldiers are doing the best they can to mitigate the disaster and make the Iraqi lives better. If all the Coalition of the Willing withdraw, the area will be plunged into civil war. So which is better? Staying to help after being told a lie or taking the huff, dropping the whole thing and leaving them to sort it out themselves? I might add that Tim said that no war was justified, and this on the day that commemorates the bombing of Darwin during the Second World War!

Indigenous affairs. As a whole, the group, who represent 2.5 per cent of the population, are given $AUS600 million a year to help. Representatives have demanded that they should control the finance. The Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Commission did an absolutely shitty job and wasted the majority of the money. Worse, some members of the local councils felt the money was their personal bank and built homes for themselves and friends, bought cars, went on trips and totally ignored health, education and community. Some lawyers also took their cut. Throwing money at them isn't the answer; teaching them to live like human beings is, teaching the rest of the population the cultural differences is.

And as for Tim's view on government policy, he seems to think that all governments, past and present, are corrupt, evil entities who ignore the population at large. Two of the above issues were introduced by the previous Labor government. Does he, or the group, actually know that or is this simply a way of gaining attention?

For me, they look like self-aggrandizing prats who will garner support from the lunatic fringe.

It is his right to burn the Australian flag, there is no law against it, but I wonder if there is a law against profiting from it. The kits are $5 each. Not much, but Tim was smug in saying they'd 'sold a few'.

In a time of social unrest throughout the world, this stunt is the last thing anyone needs, and the fuckwits of the country will rejoice at having 'a bit of fun', until it gets out of control and turn into significant protests on one subject or another.

If this is what they're allowing university students to get up to, then the whole system needs a desperate overhaul. Pills like this one need to be taught a better understanding of politics and sociology before they're allowed out. It's an embarrassment to this country. I, for one, would like to kick the tripe out this group and give them the appropriate lecture on understanding their topic, social and cultural awareness and, yes, political policy and how it's formed.

Segregation

I've been working over at the Project Gutenberg site to boost my proofreading skills. For those who don't know, Project Gutenberg is a site that is digitizing Public Domain books into Project Gutenberg e-books.

It's an interesting exercise, and since I'm interested in history, military history at that, I chose the book, Integration of the Armed Services, 1945-1965 by Morris J. MacGregor. It's a fascinating exposition on how the Afro-American fought to fight for America during the Second World War and beyond.

The interest soon raised questions in my mind about how we deal with the Indigenous population here. Where the American Negro suffered from legal and enforceable segregration, and, in some respects, still does, our own indigenous peoples have been segregated too, except they volunteered for the segregation.

I live near such a group and they are adamant at excluding any white people or, in fact, any ethnicity not their own. I'm not being critical of their choices, I'm exploring this new found revelation; the diametrically opposed situations of two similar groups of people half a world apart.

Of course, various actions groups have long been casting evil glares at the the Commonwealth government for not 'apologising' for something that happened a century or more ago. I find it curious that, although the indigenous population were 'forceably' integrated - now called the 'stolen generation' - they now choose to form their own enclaves and distance themselves from forming a cohesive, multicultural society with the rest of Australia. This can also be applied to migrants: the South-East Asians of Cabramatta, the Middle East Arabs of Lakemba, the Greeks of Melbourne, and so on.

For one country, the black population tried desperately for equality in all areas and it took violence and a generation to achieve; for the other country, forced integration was rejected at every turn and has failed in virtually every aspect. We have successful indigenous people, but they remain in the minority, no matter what encouragement is given.

I'm not being racist in this, although such observations would, in more fundamental areas, give rise to outraged screeching, it's merely an interesting dichotomy. At least in my view. I'll have to read more on this subject, I think.

What the butler saw

Lots of things happening in our part of the world, and none of it good.

The others of the so called Bali Nine are up for sentencing today. Yesterday, Lawrence and Rush were sentenced to life for drug trafficking. Ringleaders Andrew Chan, 22, and Myuran Sukumaran, 24, could be sentenced to death for their involvement. It must be especially disappointing for Lawrence who expected 20 years, after co-operating with police and testifying against her fellow accused. They're best hope now is that the Federal Government get moving on the prisoner exchange program.

In associated news, Do Hyung Lee, 25, accused of recruiting drug mules for the Indonesia-Australia run, has been released on bail. It's alleged he has links to the Bali Nine. It would be nice if we could exchange this one for, say, Schapelle Corby.

Liberal MP Danna Vale has gone way, way out on a limb by suggesting that Australians are "aborting themselves out of existence" and run the risk of "becoming a Muslim nation in 50 years." The plan is to have authority for the use of abortion drug RU486 remain with parliament. Last week, the Senate voted to strip the Health Minister, Tony Abbott of the responsibility of RU486 and hand it to the Therapeutic Drugs Administration. If amendments are passed, it would mean parliament would ultimately be responsible for the drug and debate its veto or its use. Ms Vale has upset the Muslims with this call, and her colleagues have taken a swift side step. It's bad enough that the use of an abortion drug is a highly contentious issue, but assuming a result fifty years down the track is really out there. It's not as if we are allowing Muslims only to immigrate, for fuck's sake!
And using the current sensitivities surrounding Muslims is reprehensible!

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, more allegations of interference in decisions at government level, this time with the Greenhouse policy. Former scientists at Australia’s premier research organisation, the Commonwealth Scientific and I Research Organisation (CSIRO) have stated publicly that they were censored in their comments about greenhouse emission if their views did not reflect government policy.

As with the scandal involving the Australian Wheat Board, I have to suggest cronyism and obsequiousness being the culprits. The government cannot comment on issues its’ senior public servants fail to inform them of. If managers are trying to protect their own turf by denying any knowledge of the situation, or leaking documents that they kept, but did not pass on, then the public service is as amoral and unethical as it has been accused of.

With the AWB, the organisation at the centre of payments to Hussein’s regime, the contracts under question were approved by the United Nations. Again, did the AWB know, before the contract was approved know that the Jordanian trucking company was a front for Hussein? If the United Nations thought it was okay, why doesn’t the Federal Opposition? It still comes down to what the Board was told by its on the ground representatives. And AWB aint talkin'.

I don't blame them. The media hype and Opposition accusations are outrageous. Nothing has been proven, no evidence presented; only heresay and verballing of the Board. They are, rightly, going to wait until the Cole inquiry is over before making any statement.

Anything else will undermine the company and the United Nations (conveniently forgotten in all this). No doubt when the results are released, there will be an 'outrcry' no matter the result from opposing factions.

Who knows what the butler saw? He aint talking either.

Christian charity?

I was going to ignore the current slanging match between various weblogs on authors who are happy to send books overseas at their own expense like PBW and Alison Kent and our own JanieR versus those who aren't like Brenda Coulter.

The upshot of the argument is that Brenda doesn't see it as worthwhile, but an expense she's not willing to undertake. That's within her right. Brenda writes so called Christian Inspirationals, an insipid, unrealistic genre currently enjoying a resurgence in middle America as a panacea to the increasingly erotic mainstream romance genre. Oy. I'm not going to condemn those who read such books, either overtly erotic or 'sweet' romances (although I probably have by calling CIs 'insipid and unrealistic).

I am gobsmacked. Simply amazed that a writer would stoop to personal insults over a perfectly legitimate discussion, just because some people disagree. It gets worse:

These people love to hate, and I am one of their favorite targets. That they think I'm actually trying to annoy them in order to get attention shows exactly how little they understand about me and this blog. And every time one of them posts something about That Horrible Brenda Coulter, her blogging sisters pick up the cry.

Brenda, sweetie you're just not that important.

If you want to be a successful author, you do what you must, even sending copies of your books to overseas readers, no matter what you think of them. An expense in the short term will reap rewards in the long term. And I'm not talking about warm fuzzies and buying your way into heaven. It's a business, not a clique where you can exclude those who don't agree.

What Brenda has done now is to call into question respondents intelligence and personalities. To quote:

For the past several days, their fangirls have been rushing over here as eagerly as if they'd just been offered tickets to a Maury Povich show on transsexuals who steal their granddaughters' boyfriends.* Yes, I have received hundreds of extra visitors in the past few days. No, I am not grateful for the increased traffic, because I haven't been terribly impressed by the intelligence and the personalities of the individuals who have attempted to rail at me here on the blog (I delete all comments containing profanity) and who have sent me virulent e-mails (which I won't stoop to answer).

A weblog is public; keep private thoughts private otherwise you do open yourself to criticism and flaming. There are so many more important things to be discussing out there without resorting to personal insults or condeming people for having an opinion. This post, for example, is mine. I don't expect everyone to agree, that would be foolish of me.

For those of us overseas, we're thrilled that our favourite authors are willing to take the time to pay us attention; we are not so thrilled to be dumped on for being a 'promotional' exercise. There are more of us out there than within the borders of the US, and that means, by publically sneering at us, Ms Coulter will find a less than welcome reception should she ever decide to publish overseas.

Interest or Profit?

It was only a matter of time before those cartoons turned up here and it's typical of the Queenslanders to do it. The Courier Mail, a newspaper in Brisbane printed one as did the Rockhampton Morning Bulletin.

I have to wonder at the thinking of the editors. Did the fact that there have been riots world-wide over this issue enter into their thinking? It doesn't appear so.

There has been much debate on whether it is in the so called 'public interest' to show these cartoons, or whether it's simply a measure of gaining increased profit because there's been a backlash and everyone wants to know what the fuss is about.

We in the western world think nothing of satirical comment on events and politicians. If you are a public figure, you're going to be a target of comment - good and bad. This, I feel is different. The issue is different.

Any depiction of the prophet is blasphemous. If a similar blasphemous image of Jesus Christ was published, there would be a reaction and rightly so. It's bad enough that the Danes thought it amusing; the Moslems thought it insulting.

There is no doubt in my mind that those cartoons, twelve in all, should never been published. It is a special kind of bullshit when an editor sits on his/her high horse and suggests it's all in the name of 'freedom of the press' or the 'public has a right to know'. An editors job is to decide whether it is 'ethical' to print such a thing; whether the public should be informed. Ethics went out the window; the public's right to know was no such thing. One cartoonist's twisted thinking and an editor's funny bone has created a storm of controversy. What did they think would happen? That Moslems would chuckle, like they did? Did they not consider the insulting nature? The offensiveness?

It's a controversy that should have remained 'in country' except for the Imams who cut the cartoon out and went to the Middle East to show everyone! This is where the violence was let loose.

I'm calling both sides stupid: stupid for creating the cartoons, stupid for publishing them, stupid for spreading the malice and stupid for inciting the riots. This isn't the first time something offensive has been published, nor will it be the last and I have no hope that editors will consider the consequences of future actions while they sit wrapped in 'freedom of the press' or 'the public's right to know'.

Both phrases can cover all sorts of morally reprehensible actions and with this issue, it has only served to further alienate Islam from the West and provoke more unnecessary violence.