I'm rich! Look...

From: Mr.HASSAN BELLO
Manager,Audit/Account Section
African Development Bank
Ouagadougou Burkina-Faso

(If you’re from Burkina Faso, how come your e-mail address is in France?)

Dear Comrade,

(Ah, togetherness, makes me feel all warm an’ fuzzy.)

How are you today? Hope all is well.

(Pretty good, thanks for asking and yeah, everything’s fine.)

Please be informed that I have decided to contact you for a fund transfer transaction (I feel so special…) worth the sum of US$10,500,000.00 (well, roll me in the mud and call me a pig!) into your reliable bank account (you obviously don’t know my bank) as the sole NEXT-OF-KIN (that can’t be right – I have one older sister and two older brothers, shouldn’t you be talking to one of them?) to the foreign deceased customer of our bank (an International Billionaire French Businessman) who was killed with his entire family by PLANE-CRASH in Central England atmost 3 years ago. (I’m sorry to hear that, but if he's a billionaire, how come the estate's only worth ten and a half mill?) Since his death occured, no body have show up as his next of kin for the claim because the account is untraceable. (But you just said I was his next of kin! I should talk to my mother about that. And your grammar, sheesh. But, go on…)

Upon the investigation I carried out from his records, I found out that his foreign business consultant who would have trace the account died earlier before the deceased. (Well, that was careless of him.) Therefore, this is a confidential and sealed deal. (If it’s confidential, how do you know about it, especially if it’s sealed? Say… are you setting me up?)

For the success of this transaction, you should apply and act as the only existing NEXT-OF-KIN to the deceased which our bank will replace the deceased account information through proper documentation in position of your own account. (Wait… you’re going to replace legitimate documents with forged ones? And you’ve neglected to tell me the name of the businessman, so how can I submit documentation? You’re not asking me to… lie are you?)

This transaction is risk-free, (uh huh) it will never harm your good reputation (aw, you do know me.) in your society because no one can trace the account, and on the instant of the transfer of the fund into your account, the chapter of this transaction will be closed entirely. (I’m not sure that’s legal, big guy, but you’d send me confirmation documents… wouldn’t you? Just to prove what you're saying is true, of course.)

Note that in a business of this nature, the bank dont want to know your difference between the deceased country, religion or believe because our bank inheritance law is against that. (Er… what? The country died? OMG, that’s awful, where do I send flowers?) So, it is a preference for us achieve this success without any problem. (Since the country died, I guess so.)

Please note down that once the fund get transferred into your account, you will take 39% of the total sum (I get $4,095,000 of my next of kin’s money? That’s not very…) while the rest will be for me (Why, you greedy bastard! You said it was my money, you schmuck!) as I will arrange myself down to your country to take my share. (Arrange yourself on a cactus, pal, you ain’t getting’ nuthin’!)

I need your urgent response (middle digit, straight up, how’s that for a response!) and include your private telephone/mobile numbers for easy communication. (Here it is: 1800 0 AS IF) Please reply if you can be trusted in this deal. (That isn’t a deal, it’s highway robbery!)

Thanks, (So polite, you thief.)

Mr.HASSAN BELLO. (Did you know your name also makes the words: HELLO NAB ASS? Or, ONE ASS BLLAH?)

Do you think this letter is too good to be true?