Around here

The past couple of days have been busy: a meeting, a political briefing - which sucked, the patronizing bastards, getting the car serviced - oh... joy, rummaging around for an 80s outfit for my niece's 21st - why the youth of today think those fashions are cool, I don't know.

So I've had little time for writing or surfing the gnarly web. I mean, I didn't turn the computer on yesterday, and ended up with twenty-five e-mails. Not much in the grand scheme of things, but it's a lot for me.

Two of them were from Africa wanting to give me a few million if only I could help the out; I'm guessing these people will never learn because some schmuck will be greedy enough to be lured in.

Half a dozen were in reply to the political meeting - blood boiling stuff, that. Another six or so were spammish - one in, I think, Greek, and another empty of text. But there was a gem in all this, from my sister, which I present to you:

"Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that,when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men."

I'm thinking that some people are too clever for their own good, or they need to get out more. Made me laugh anyway.