Sometimes...

Don't you just want to run away?

Work and family can, and is, such a chore sometimes.

Don't get me wrong, I love my family, nuts, assholes and all, but sometimes, I want them to leave me alone to get on with my own life. Work is... work.

Yesterday, I was having coffee with my mother, awaiting the arrival of my eldest sister when one of my uncles and his wife stopped by the cafe table. This is a man whom I haven't seen since my father's funeral sixteen years ago and have had no contact with. It was as if because my mother married into the family, once my father was gone, their obligation was over.

Now, he was all 'hail fellow, well met'. I actually thought, 'oh, shit, it's Uncle D'. The same thought I'd had as a kid because he was such an asshole. His wife, my aunt, is a much better person and I think it has been her influence that has turned his head around. Okay, that and the death of another brother two years ago.

The third fourth brother, B., didn't talk to D. for six months over that. Why? Because B. was pissed at the funeral notice P.'s ex-wife put in the paper and refused to go to the funeral.

What's up with that? You don't go to your own brother's funeral because of something printed in the newspaper?

Anyway, D.'s wife has convinced him that it does no good to hold grudges, because if someone dies, that's it, there is no recourse, no forgiveness, no final words of redemption. Me? I'm of the opinion that you either like someone, or you don't. It would be hypocritical of me, say, to go to the funeral I neither liked, nor respected - which is why I didn't go to my grandmother's funeral.

I actually wanted my aunt and uncle to simply go. Not because I don't like them - I am underwhelmed with indifference - but because it's wasn't me they should apologise to for their behaviour, but my mother. None was forthcoming anyway.

This ontop of my eldest sister's breast cancer scare. We are still awaiting final results. I don't need or want a relative from the past to 'chat' and think that as absolution for decades of misuse and neglect.

I am currently hosting my twin sister and her children this weekend too. They are all wonderful people, but what it does is take time away from my writing schedule, because as most will know, you cannot write if there's a thirteen year old or a five year old demanding attention.

I'm single, sans children. I have spent years searching for peace and direction and have finally found it.

No longer do I appreciate noise and the busyness of other people's lives; I like my quiet and my space. For the past ten days, that has been denied me.

I won't say this weekend has been a write-off, I enjoy my family's company; but sometimes...

...I simply want to walk away.